Boy Momisms

As a Mom of two boys, I catch myself saying so many things that I would have never dreamed I would be saying on a day to day basis. Some examples:

• Please aim your toots somewhere else

• No, we don't toot on other people

• Why would you pee on the wall? What do you mean "it slipped?"

• Please don't pee on anything

• Why can't you just use the bathroom inside and not go out in the yard to pee? That's what toilets are made for

• Yes you can ride your power wheels but please, please don't run over anyone...again

• No sir, we do not run over guests with a four wheeler

• I'm sorry you drove into the garage wall, you shouldn't be driving your four wheeler so crazy

• While watching a stick fight...just don't hit each other in the face or head, mmmkay?

• After attempting to break up yet another fight...Y'all, don't come crying to me when one of you gets hurt. It's all fun and games until you make each other mad. And you know not to hit in the stomach or below the belt. (One punched the other in the stomach and make him puke🙄)
• How in the world did all that toothpaste just "explode" all over the wall?
• Please don't toot at your brother at the dinner table

• Please use your fork when you eat mashed potatoes 

• No sword fighting (no actual swords are involved here...if you know what I mean)

• Let's not jump from the top bunk to the bottom again...remember the last time you jumped into the ceiling fan. 

• Yes, you have to wear pants to school
• Yes, you have to wear shoes to school

• No, I don't even care if you don't wear shoes or a shirt to grandmas house

• Do not lick the freezer doors...even if your brother did dare you to (while at Wal Mart)

• Yes, I realize your brother actually hit you with a real light saber and it actually hurt and you were only shooting imaginary bullets at him, but that's kind of how imaginary stuff works, ya know??

• You know, I don't know if Ninjas are exceptionally good at dodgeball but I would think so

• While hearing all 3 guys discussing Star Wars details and then asking me something about it..."I honestly have no idea what y'all are even saying right now"

• Please don't use your pencil as a nose picker...at least get a tissue

• I know, it's not fair that girls get to sit down and rest while tee-teeing

• Yeah, it would be cool if you were named Luke and your Daddy could say "Luke, I am your father" all the time. 

• Yes the movie title Fight Club does sound a lot like our house

• I am sorry your name is lame. I apologize for not naming you Luke...again

And the list goes on....

Because my cup runneth over
❤️Shana

It's tough being a Mob Mom

Retaliation. Not a small word. Packs a lot of meaning. Just ask anyone from the Sons of Anarchy. Well  my 5 year old is all about some retaliation. He uses this word in celebration. In explanation. In defense of his actions. 
The  boys  are wrestling in the kitchen and doing what they do best, which inevitably ends up in a real fight. Sure enough, Lawson kneed G in the stomach. G hits the floor, mad and upset. I get onto Lawson for being too rough.  I send him to his room to think about his actions. He comes back out and apologizes and they hug it out. We all move on...or so I thought. 

Several hours later, a limping Lawson comes into my room holding himself, with G right on his heels. 
G announces, rather triumphantly: "I got my retaliation!! He kneed me in the stomach earlier so I kicked him in the weenis. (Yes, that's their word for it. I guess it's a combination of several 😂) 
We're even, I got retaliation."

Lawson, still holding himself: "He did! He kicked me right in the weenis! We aren't supposed to hit there! Daddy says that's  below the belt." 

I am slightly taken aback for a minute. Like really G? Retaliation? 
He has always, always had to get even with his brother. Even when he was still toddling around he would bide his time and wait until the perfect moment and then go smack Lawson over the head with some toy or bite him. It was always when Lawson had let his guard down and was unsuspecting. Is this a personality thing?! I never taught him that! 

So I find myself stuttering something along the lines of "we don't get retaliation by kicking in the weenis! We also don't knee in the stomach. Both can really hurt someone! And we don't have to get even! But now y'all are, so please just quit and play nice."

And then I call my sister and tell her the story and we laugh about the fact that the words "we don't get retaliation by kicking in the weenis" were said by me. 
Who is my child? The mob? What's next on the retaliation list, trying to break someone's  knee caps?

Boy, does my cup runneth over!
Shana

My 2nd Turn at Being Kim Kardashian

As most of you know from The Facebook, I dressed up as Kim K for Halloween last year. I'm a sucker for a costume and I adore makeup so trying to stuff a pillow up my sausage-casing-like dress , rolled socks into my bra (ashamed to admit the number of socks used there...) and highlighting and contouring my face just like the YouTube video said Kim does, was beyond fun. As for my Kanye, well I just had a mask printed for him as that was a tad harder.

So that was my first time looking like Kim. I am very afraid that the second will come tomorrow, after I drop my babied boy off for his first day of 4K at "the big school where Bubba goes". You see , I am very afraid I am going to cry (hopefully after leaving and not in front of parents, children, teachers, Etc) and not just any cry but that hard, sobbing, contorted face, snotty nose cry. You know, The Ugly Cry. The one that Kim is famous for (that and her ability to use her butt to serve Thanksgiving dinner off of). There are memes everywhere making fun of it. It's epic. Please, please just let me turn into Kim K for the second time while I'm alone.
While perusing Facebook tonight, I came across an article that threatened to turn me into her tonight... It was one of those articles written by a Mother that causes other Mothers to think of their own little ones and their hearts to ache at how quickly they grow up and become independent. I simultaneously love and hate those. This particular article was the Mother talking to her child's most cherished childhood toy, or lovie, the blanket or animal they are most attached to. It was a bunny and the little boy would be leaving him behind to go to Kindergarten. While G doesn't have an animal he's attached to he is very, very attached to his "blank-blank". Blank-Blank is a ratty, torn baby blanket that was given to us by Miss Sue Gaines for a baby shower gift. It (was) the softest, sweetest blue and white knit blanket with his name appliquéd on it. Since he was tiny he has loved to chew on the corners and roll up into a ball under it. To this day, he does not use a cover at night , only his blank blank and he chews the corner until he falls asleep. He has even worked finger holes into two edges so it looks like a mixture of mittens and blanket. He sticks his hands in and rolls up in it. It travels where he does. It has been drug around, thrown up on, spilled on and chewed on to the point that it is brown and ratty on the edges and has a distinct odor even though he gets a bath as often as I can sneak him in. (Yes, he's a he and we refer to it accordingly). In fact, Chuck has (not so) affectionately renamed him "Stank Blank". He gives Grandma the Heebee Geebees. Our Aunt, who's a Pediatrician, voices much concern over the bacteria and germ situation going on there. I might be the only person willing to actually cover up with (Stank) Blank-Blank when G offers him to me. When I say I'm cold,  he covers me up with him. It's unsanitary and stinky and yet I love it. I have a deep love for Blank-Blank just like G does. As long as he's around , my baby still has a little bit of baby left in him. So it is slightly heartbreaking to me that tomorrow morning Blank-Blank will stay behind, with me. He can't go to Pre-K with G...and neither can I. It's a milestone and I'm not sure that Blank Blank or I are ready. G seems fine with the fact that Blank Blank can't go. His Bubba will be at the same school now. But what about me and Blank Blank? Will we be fine? Or will I be the Kim Kardashian-ugly crying lady in her car sobbing into the worlds most loved, grimiest, cherished, stinkiest scrap of blanket? I guess time will tell...

My Cup Runneth Over,
Shana

Pinterest... But not this year

Weekly confession time...

I didn't make a single treat for either of the boys parties, I bought them already made. Gasp!! I know right? You see, I started out with one child and making Pinterest project treats. Reindeer cupcakes, bat brownies, bunny cookies, chocolate dipped sprinkle covered marshmallows on a stick, etc...and this child one child had a special appliquéd shirt with his very own name on it, matching pants and socks for each holiday. I even got stressed about these outfits with their matching holiday socks. That's so laughable now. I was totally on top of things (in my mind anyway) I would stay up all night the night before to get everything achieved.

Then I had 2...I still managed some matching appliquéd outfits for them both, minus the holiday socks, and a Pinterest treat here and there. I stayed up if I had to to get these accomplished . Not for every party,  mind you, but some. Then these 2 boys got older, busier, more involved in activities and school. I guess I got older too ;) 

I don't take a snack for every party, but I still try not to miss attending a single one though.  

This year we are remodeling, tearing down part of the house and rebuilding and expanding just a little. Of course it's at Christmastime, making the usual chaos and mess more chaotic and messy. I am teaching an occasional art class. I am VP on PTA. I am also attempting to be "a runner" and train for a 10k. My house is in shambles. I have (not so) affectionately renamed the address "Mayo Street Mayhem" (if you know my address, you totally get it). It's very fitting for  both inside and out. Always chaos.  The boys' matching Holiday outfits went like this: I ordered them with just enough time to spare but neglected to try them on, or even open them for that matter, until the day of Santa pics. When L sat on Santa ' slap, it looked like the days of Noah were coming those pants were so high watered. A little late in the game to worry about it then. Our elves are still MIA. The Christmas tree is always leaning because the boys jump and run around it so much. It's still not fully decorated, but I manage to add an ornament or 2 each day. Maybe by New Years Eve it will be complete. 

We just finally finished most of our Christmas shopping, the freaking week before. Chuck almost had a nervous breakdown fighting the crowds in Birmingham. He used a few choice words at The Summit. I drank a lot of coffee and some wine on this overnight get away. We had a lot of fun. We came home to a sick (again) 6 year old who will have to miss his Christmas party...sad!

I had even forgot I had signed up for Law's Christmas party. Thank goodness another sweet Mother, obviously more clued in than myself (you know who you are ;) reminded me that I am one of the Christmas party Moms. I am also one of the Homeroom Moms. She also rallied the troops. Thanks, Other Mother :) 
 I usually love doing parties! My brain is just zapped. I seem to have a constant choice of flooring, doors windows and paint color choices running through my mind. The time is just flying by. There's not enough hours in the day to do every single thing I want to do. I am working on the very important ones first and foremost. 

So, you see, I dropped the ball this year. I bought premade cupcakes and iced brownies for the boys parties tomorrow. I decided against staying up tonight after returning from B'Ham  to make those  really cute Rice Krispie treat wreaths. I gotta say though, as much as I hate not being "that Mom" (thanks to another friend who used the term so accurately ;) the Mom who brings the cute treats, who doesn't have a Corn Pop stuck in her dirty hair, a stained Christmas sweatshirt on with Uggs like a hobo mixed with teenage girl, I am enjoying the lack of stress tonight. 

Maybe one day I will be "that mom"...the creative, always dressed and ready, on time (bahahaha! Big one), calm, patient, prepared, one. Hey, a Mom can hope right?! 

Until then, I am exactly what my boys need...and I guess that's good enough :) 

Obviousness

Obviousness...obviously, when your 3 year old whom you thought was asleep in his bed, walks into the living room with his hand held out and announces simply,  "my hand smells like poopy" you question why. Obviously, you question him immediately with "Well why does it smell? Did you go poopy? Did you wash your hands?" When he replies "No my didn't go", you obviously wonder how that could happen. You also, obviously, don't even get the least bit concerned because you have been in this rodeo before. You obviously know that it's a possible bedtime-procrastination strategy and could have nothing to do with any real poopy situation. So your Husband, the one who decides it's time to investigate this a little further, does the obvious and.....smells the hand. You remain seated on the couch thinking about how your go-to move to confirm whether something is in fact poopy or not has become the smell test. Which is so obviously disturbing due to the fact that it's not even a question, a decision, a repulsion, it's simply an instinct. It's "the way ". We are, very obviously, parents!

My Cup Runneth Over
~Shana~

Something about Mary

GW can strike fear into my heart faster than anyone can. I jokingly say he gives me at least 3 mini heart attacks a day. But for real, at least one. He does cause me much anxiety and if I didn't color my hair, I am positive I would be sporting grays. Thanks boys!  How does he cause me to worry so, at the young age of 3, you might ask...well let me count the ways...

He climbs everything
He jumps off everything
He runs everywhere
He jumps into pools with no floaties
He has NO fear, ever
He talks to strangers
He unbuckles his car seat
He stands up in buggies
He jumps out of buggies
He tips buggies over
He licks things in public places
He eats things off of the floor....in public places
He touches every.single.thing in a public restroom
He hides from me in racks in stores
He hides from me in closets at home
He refuses to make a sound while he's hiding, causing me to panic
He acts like he's choking and refuses to talk so I don't really know if he's choking or just not    
      answering, resulting in me frantically yelling "talk! Talk! Say something! 
      Can you  breathe?!" Over and over as people stare, until he says "hi!" And giggles
He sticks things in the toilet
He scoops water out of the toilet
He sticks toilet paper down the sink
He throws toilet paper wads at the walls
He likes to "forget" to aim while peeing
He jumps off the top bunk onto the bottom bunk
He uses anything and everything as a weapon
He runs while holding sticks
He falls while holding sticks
He jumps while holding sticks
He headbutts...me...in the hip or butt, randomly...or when he's mad
He completely ignores me when I tell him things he should/shouldn't do
He is extremely sneaky
He is extremely stealth
He is extremely good at acting innocent
He refuses to stay by my side when I let him walk around in public
He sneaks junk food
He sneaks juices
He sneaks candy
He even sneaks bread
He is extremely strong willed & going head to head with him,some days, is like beating your  
       head against a brick wall


That's the condensed version. But as you know, if you read any of my statuses on FB, GW is a very busy boy.

So once again, at Target, like so many stories in the past, we had an incident.

This is what it looks like when your 3 year old keeps climbing onto the side of the shopping 
cart, after repeatedly being told not to because it would tip over, and you have a cup of Starbucks in the seat part. It tips, (warm, not hot) coffee dumps onto his head, he cries for a minute only because his shirt is wet, rips it off and refuses to put it back on. Meanwhile his hair is drying standing up like Something About a Mary from all the sticky,sugary Salted Caramel White Mocha goodness  that's in it,and you realize the irony of your child being topless in the bra section.

He went shirtless until we could hustle over to the kids clothes and get a shirt right off the rack for him to wear. The hair was stuck like that though. Ha!!

With Garrison around, things are never, not even for one second, boring. 

To share a quote from his Bubba about him from tonight:
 On the ride home tonight Lawson says "Hey Momma do you know what I do sometimes when I miss my Brother?" I ask, "What darlin'?" He replies, "I act bad...because it reminds me of him." 

And from over in his car seat G says , "who meee?"  

My Cup Runneth Over....and over....and over
~Shana~

School Daze

So school has started and I have a little free time on my hands on Mondays and Wednesdays. GW is in 3 year old Pre-k from 8:00-3:00 on those days and Law is in 1st grade so he's in school all day. It feels a little weird after the summer and being so chill with our schedules. Lawson has homework, spelling words, and tests each week. He also gets mad that his Brother doesn't have homework. 
Now that school has been in full swing for about 5 weeks, I think we are finally getting in a good routine. Over the past month, I have realized just how much like me Lawson is. He is the pickiest eater, ridiculous even (yeah Mom, I am so getting payback for being so bratty about my food growing up:) He worries about doing things really well, perfectly even, and can be hard on himself if he isn't doing it perfectly, whether it's reading, writing, math, coloring, whatever. Like me, he also takes a while to get into to a routine when things have changed. For instance, going back to school after the summer break, when he stayed up a little later, slept a little later, got to play all day, take trips and have no real strict schedule to adhere to and then changing to bed at 8 every night, homework and studying each day after school, getting up early, etc.  It was such a challenge to get him up, fight him to go to school,  and then do homework that I thought I would lose it. Then I looked around the house, saw how messy it was, how dinner wasn't ready on time, how I was struggling with getting up and getting them both ready and out the door just as much has they were struggling with it,  how hard I was trying to balance gym time, housework , errands, and me time and realized that I had to have patience with them, and they had to have patience with me too. See Lawson got his lack of scheduling and need for a good adjustment period from me. As an adult, I know I can't act out, throw fits, refuse to go to school, or whatever because I am struggling with getting myself into a routine of sorts, but L's only 6. I felt stressed and anxious and frazzled for a while, just as I am sure he did, until things started clicking into place and we slowly got adjusted to our new routines. I actually got my kitchen cleaned and dinner cooked this week, went to the gym each day, Paid bills, went grocery shopping, and am feeling somewhat accomplished. Maybe I can do this :) 

So that kind of went further into detail than I had planned, but it's so funny to me how Lawson and I butt heads and argue and he can get to me like no one else can, and it's because how much alike we are. I have been told that by several people, my parents and Chuck included, but I really am starting to see it for myself. You see he's super picky with food, as am I, he has to have the last word, as do I (so says Chuck) which results in us arguing back and forth, and he worries about being good at things or doing things perfectly, which is a constant struggle of mine. I guess we may have a long road ahead, but I am going to try to always remember how much alike we are and to try to relate to how he's feeling since I can understand instead of letting it drive my crazy. Wish me luck :)

Back to the school situation now:

Well it happened, I finally went off the deep end. Last night as I was getting the kids clothes, shoes, snacks, backpacks ready for the next day, I laid out 2 different shoes for Lawson. I will admit, I was so tired last night and I had a migraine. So that makes it understandable right? 

You see, yesterday morning he got quite upset at me for not setting his flip flops "right next to the door like you always do!" Even though, truth be told, the shoe baskets where he and G keep all their shoes are right next to the door. Yeah, but I have to set them out for them..anyway, this morning his Grandma came to pick him up. About 10 minutes after they leave I get a text that says "Heading back. Lawson has on 2 different shoes." When they get here Grandma tells me "When I asked him how he got 2 different shoes he said it was his Momma's fault because she gets his shoes ready everyday." I guess I should make him get his own shoes from now on, maybe then they would match. 

And for the record, when G hollers repeatedly,  "I am not doing ANYTHING in here Momma." That's never a good sign. 

My boys are so unique, so challenging and rewarding all at once. 

My Cup Runneth Over

~Shana~