Thursday, August 25, 2016

It's tough being a Mob Mom

Retaliation. Not a small word. Packs a lot of meaning. Just ask anyone from the Sons of Anarchy. Well  my 5 year old is all about some retaliation. He uses this word in celebration. In explanation. In defense of his actions. 
The  boys  are wrestling in the kitchen and doing what they do best, which inevitably ends up in a real fight. Sure enough, Lawson kneed G in the stomach. G hits the floor, mad and upset. I get onto Lawson for being too rough.  I send him to his room to think about his actions. He comes back out and apologizes and they hug it out. We all move on...or so I thought. 

Several hours later, a limping Lawson comes into my room holding himself, with G right on his heels. 
G announces, rather triumphantly: "I got my retaliation!! He kneed me in the stomach earlier so I kicked him in the weenis. (Yes, that's their word for it. I guess it's a combination of several 😂) 
We're even, I got retaliation."

Lawson, still holding himself: "He did! He kicked me right in the weenis! We aren't supposed to hit there! Daddy says that's  below the belt." 

I am slightly taken aback for a minute. Like really G? Retaliation? 
He has always, always had to get even with his brother. Even when he was still toddling around he would bide his time and wait until the perfect moment and then go smack Lawson over the head with some toy or bite him. It was always when Lawson had let his guard down and was unsuspecting. Is this a personality thing?! I never taught him that! 

So I find myself stuttering something along the lines of "we don't get retaliation by kicking in the weenis! We also don't knee in the stomach. Both can really hurt someone! And we don't have to get even! But now y'all are, so please just quit and play nice."

And then I call my sister and tell her the story and we laugh about the fact that the words "we don't get retaliation by kicking in the weenis" were said by me. 
Who is my child? The mob? What's next on the retaliation list, trying to break someone's  knee caps?

Boy, does my cup runneth over!