Friday, March 23, 2012

Mom Jeans

I want to start off by saying that I, in NO way, intend to make anyone who wears higher rise A.K.A. "Mom" jeans, feel bad. Please don't take it personally, it is just not my style nor do they look good on me :)
Ok, now that that is out of the way, I will tell you about my recent jean shopping expedition. I went everywhere! I tried on at least 50 pairs of jeans. I went to  to higher end and lower end stores. Dillards, American Eagle, Gap, White Black, Lucky, Anthropologie, Express, Charlotte Russe, Macy's, Loft, Buckle, and Target. I am sure there are other places that I have forgotten about, too. I went looking in Birmingham, Montgomery,  and Mobile. I just wanted a good fitting pair of dark, boot cut, low rise jeans. Who knew that could be so hard to find?? It doesn't help that I am SO short. I am not proportioned very well, either. I have short legs and a longer torso. My hips have gotten wider and it results in the jeans either being too little on my legs and hips and fitting in the waist or too loose on my waist and fitting my legs and hips. I can not wear curvy style or super skinny. I do not like jeans that have tons of bling on the back pockets or look very worn. I just want a simple pair of good jeans that aren't 4 inches too long! Is that so much to ask?

The truly saddening shopping trip was to Buckle. First off, I don't love the sizing of designer jeans. I don't like saying "Twenty-eight" and much prefer a nice round number like "6". For some reason, it just sounds bigger to me. I wish I was asking for a size 25 and I might feel differently, but that is another issue all together. The other thing is that most of the jeans I tried were made for folks who are 5'10. I realize that I am shorter than the norm, I also realize that there are many tall women out there, but seriously?! There are lots of us short girls too.

 First off  I stop at Buckle with very high hopes. I just know I am going to find the perfect pair of jeans.So I get Garrison, who has fallen asleep in the car, out. I attempt to put him in his stroller to make it easier to shop, but he begins to stir and fuss, so I carry him on my shoulder instead. He remains asleep but makes it very hard to push the stroller, carry my big diaper bag, and tote my Venti Starbucks Frap all at once. I make it into Buckle and immediately greeted by a very nice worker who sees how much I am struggling to actually be able to pick out jeans and carry them while toting my sleeping infant and many accoutrements. He asks me what I am looking for and I tell him, "Simple dark jeans. No bling. Minimum fraying. Short in length because I don't want to hem them. Brand doesn't matter but I am not a huge fan of Miss Me. My twenty-something size". So he goes about picking out 30, true story, pairs of jeans and puts them in a fitting room for me. He then comes and tells me that he had found lots to try on. He then says, " You like a higher rise, right? Where they come up higher on the waist?" (In my head) Ummmm, no. Actually, I don't. I like low rise. Why are you just assuming I want higher rise jeans?!. So I answer, "No, I like low rise." He acts all surprised and says, "Oh, well I will go get some of those, too." So I start to think, why would I not wear low-rise? In truth, I actually love low rise. I used to wear the lowest-of-the-low, thank you very much! Too ultra lowrise was the fit I preffered. If it had a rise inseam of longer than 7, I didn't want them. Yes, I realize this was in my pre-babies years, but is it really that crazy to still like them? Ok, granted when I try them on now I have more muffin top than a baker, but I could still wear them if I wanted to, right? RIGHT?!
I ended up trying on all 30 pairs of jeans and not finding one single pair that I really liked. Either they were way too long and would require about 4 good inches to be cut off, which would result in a straight leg instead of a boot cut, or they didn't fit well in the waist and hips, or they were just too embellished for my taste. I really don't want 3 Karats worth of bling on my rear to attract attention to the fact that it is rather wide, thanks. While trying on jeans, Garrison crawled all over the dressing rooms and I chased him around. I may have flashed a few people a glimpse of me in my undies. Woops, sorry. No really, sorry. I am sure you were nearly blinded by my whiteness.

So off I went to American Eagle. I used to love American Eagle. I haven't been in a while though. The high school crowd was there and getting ready for Spring Break. Lots of cute teen girls trying on cute clothes. Here I am, feeling like such a MOM already from my stint at Buckle, wheeling around my 10 month old, trying to find a decent pair of jeans. I try on the usual suspects and ended up being relativley happy with a pair of My Boyfriend jeans (or whatever they are called). Up to the cash register I go, behind two young, cute, tiny girls. The very young looking AE guy is chatting them up asking them all about their Spring Break plans. One girl is going to Gulf Shores the other is going on a cruise. The the convo moves to working out. He does Insanity, one girl (who is T-niny with quite large boobs) doesn't exercise, the other girl does P90X and has been for years. Wow! They finish their transactions and leave. Next up is me. Nope, he does not ask me about my Spring Break plans. No, he does not chat me up about my workouts. He looks at my jeans I have selected and says they are the most comfortable fit they sell. Awesome. I reply, "Yes, I liked them. I just wish they didn't stretch so much because then they start to sag."  He then tells me about the Favorite Fit which come up a little higher and don't have as much stretch to them. Thanks. What is it about me and those dang higher rise jeans?! He then sees GW and starts to kind of play with him. He says he loves babies, they are so cute, but is "So not ready anytime soon." I told him that they are wonderful but can be demanding so it is nice to be ready, for sure. I then left with my OK pair of jeans, bound and determined to find the PERFECT pair to make me look good, thin, and hip. And they will be LOW rise!

While I realize that it is no big deal to wear Mid or High rise jeans and that it is a matter of personal taste, I have always thought of these as Mom Jeans. I am feeling slightly Mom-like and dumpy these days as it is, so this did not help matters. I used to feel like I looked my best most of the time, not that I looked good all the time, but that I had put forth the effort to look my best. Now I just try to make it out the door with clothes on before I am another 15 minutes late. I may have some makeup on and I may not. I may have my hair in a ponytail or I may not. It just depends. But I never have my hair done, makeup on, and a cute outfit with accessories on anymore. Or at least very rarely. I really have to do some major scheduling to fit it all in.  It just doesn't work out anymore.

I heard a woman in line behind me the other day at Loft tell her teenage daughter while talking about hair cuts, " Yeah, like in the picture on the fridge. You know, the one of me before you ruined my body." I immediately laughed out loud. I thought, "I have to meet this woman. We are kindred. I have used those exact same words!" So I turned around and told her that I had used those same words. We then got to talking about how much child birth changes our bodies, etc. I told her I was still a size away from Pre-pregnancy and that I had a deadline of April 18th, Garrison's First Birthday, to get there. I said the same for Lawson's first and made it, but I seemed to be a lot more dedicated to it then.  She told me that she read that it takes a full 9 years for your body to return to its original shape. WOWZA!
I guess I may as well throw in the towel, get a minivan, sport the Mom Jeans, rock a sweatshirt, get my hair cut like Kate from Jon & Kate Plus Eight, stick on some Merrell slip ons and head on out. (Totally kidding of course :)

I would give up a smaller size for my two dolls...
My cup runneth over!

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